There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
