I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
