Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
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These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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