so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
