Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
