i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
