Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
