Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
