Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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