just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
