I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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