That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
