Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
