Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
