Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
