You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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