There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
