umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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