She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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