Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
