woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
