i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
