your parents love me but you hate me
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize