genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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