I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
