she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
