I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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