dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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