Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
