Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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