He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
