Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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