Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
