what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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