cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
