The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
