was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
