yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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