Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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