why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
