I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
