i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
