every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
