if you like me you must not know who I am
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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