Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
