I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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