i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
