Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
