I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
