I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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