I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
