It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
