you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Hippo gnu deer
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
