1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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