So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
