Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
