Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize