you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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