I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
