Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
