I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
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He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
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I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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