How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Randomize
