I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
