Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
