i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
