I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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