the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I look better un-naked...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
