i just had sex bonerless
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
