Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
