dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
