At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
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Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
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I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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