soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
