I can text with my tongue
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
