planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
